Do You Have What It Takes to Get Yelled At by Chef Tom Colicchio?

cheftomcolicchioishotBravo TV’s Top Chef combines two of my favorite things–food and reality tv–and affords me the opportunity to gape at sexy Chef Tom Colicchio, so it was exciting to hear that Top Chef is holding auditions for the show’s 7th Season right in here in our dear Portland, next Sunday, Nov. 15, between 10am – 2pm, at the Benson Hotel. 

The stakes are high and so are the producers’ expectations. Contestants must have “a passion for food, creativity, a thorough knowledge of cooking techniques and trends and oodles of charisma.”  According to the 24-page application, hopefuls must also:

*Create a culinary interpretation of the lyric “Eleven Pipers Piping” from the song “Twelve Days of Christmas.”

*Create a dish based on the color yellow.

*Dish on who your least favorite chef is and why. 

*Describe your most embarrassing moment. 

*Reveal an odd fact about yourself or talent you possess. 

*List any celebrity chef contacts you have. 

You also have to submit a five minute video, in which you are directed to “show off.” 

“We want to be impressed with you as a chef, but we also need to get to know you as a person and your personality–make us laugh, cry, have fun…most of all, be YOU,” requests the network.

That’s all very nice, but after reading through all 24 pages of the application, my one question was not answered: Is Tom Colicchio going to be there giving out free smooches or what? Because if he is, even I could be persuaded to make a video revealing my passionate, charismatic rendering of yuzu pancakes with corn and yellow bell pepper salsa in a French’s mustard & lemon reduction.