Romantic Date
Ah, the Romantic Date of Lore. Flickery candlelight, dramatic hand gestures, nervous hair twisting, hearts-a-thumping, second bottles of wine, sweaty hand-holding, flirty games of footsie, meaningless banter, meaningful eye contact, nods towards the door. Can I order a side of third base and the check, please? Setting the mood? The swoon factor is set to high at these lovey-dovey establishments.
Belly Timber
There’s something oddly sexy about watching your suitor lick their finger, stick it in a pile of bright pink strawberry salt, and sensuously suck it off. It’s less sexy when they lean down and snort the last few grains of cocoa chili salt, but whatever. Deeply flavorful infused salts are just one of the unusual and interesting details at elegant Belly Timber, which adds a touch of dignity to the pell-mell architectural patchwork quilt that is lower SE Hawthorne with its stately Victorian facade and a lovingly restored interior that will bring out anybody’s inner romantic. Chef David Siegel’s excellent small plates like meatballs with banana peppers and hazelnut romesco or grilled romaine with mint pesto and boquerones, and his full or half-size entrees such as roasted quail with tomato panzanella or grilled pork shoulder steak with peaches and radicchio encourage rampant sharing, and everyone knows that couples who share together and snort infused salts together stay together.
- Location: 3257 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Portland Map it!
- Phone Number: 503.235.3277
- Hours: Tue-Sun 5pm-close * Happy Hour Tue-Sun 5-7pm
DOC
DOC is such a lovely space, I often forget to pay attention to my date because I’m so smitten with the alluring little dining room. Once you’re able to focus on dinner, test your future/current mate’s culinary savvy by making him/her interpret the cryptically written dish descriptions. If he/she in turn tries to test your wine mettle by making you choose the bottle, just smile smugly and pick the first thing you see, because this beautifully constructed Italian-only wine list is pretty foolproof. Hold hands over digestifs and feed each other bites of cherry almond crostata, DOC is the sort of place that calls for that kind of behavior. Just don’t make out in the bathroom, for the door is right smack in the center of the dining room and if you’ve had too many Negronis and forgot to lock it behind you, nobody will find it very romantic when you and your lipstick-smeared date and your exposed Spanx are revealed in all their glory.
Driftwood Room
Someone once told me if he ever had an affair, he’d take his secret lover to the Driftwood Lounge. So I camp out there every night with a beebee gun and a jumbo canister of Mace, because I couldn’t tell if my boyfriend was joking or not. Just kidding. Let me start over. The positively bewitching Driftwood Lounge oozes old Hollywood glamour and romance, has lighting so pleasingly dim that everyone looks like an extra in the Pet Shop Boys “We Were Never Being Boring” video, makes an art form out of the champagne cocktail, has one of the sexiest desserts ever–the Mint Julep ice cream sandwich with hot bourbon fudge, and ever so conveniently happens to be located in one of downtown Portland’s most entrancing boutique hotels. Coincidence? I think not. Can we get an order of that hot bourbon fudge sauce to go, please?
- Location: 729 SW 15th Ave. Portland Map it!
- Phone Number: 503.219.2094
- Hours: Sun–Thu 2pm-11:30pm, Fri/Sat 2pm-12:30am * Happy Hour daily 3-6pm & 9pm-close
Fratelli
Fratelli is an excellent place to pretend you’re in Italy, and everyone knows Italy is the most romantic place ever, besides George Clooney’s bedrooms, at least one of which is, in fact, in Italy. Located on a quiet tree-lined stretch of NW Hoyt in the Pearl District, Fratelli has the romance-requisite flickery lights, rustic wooden tables, homey Italian fare, an Italian-centric wine list–you’ll be as goopy and melty as your steak bruschetta by the time you depart.
Khun Pic’s Bahn Thai
I happen to think Kuhn Pic’s is a pretty romantic little place, what with the gilded decor, bowls of hot steamy Tom Ka for two, and leisurely pace of the meal, with plenty of time for footsie and making eyes. Just make sure you go with a date that you really like, because Chef Mary takes the time to make her delicious dishes just right, and the wait to eat can be formidable, so you’ll want to make sure you have plenty to talk about. Order a bottle of wine, but be forewarned, you’ll probably be pretty tipsy by the time you get your Spicy Chicken Salad and Green Curry with Thai eggplant, so pace yourself. Depending on how romantic you’re feeling after sharing a bowl of creamy coconut ice cream, the agonizing wait for them to box up your leftovers might leave you no choice but to throw all your cash on the table, dash out, and fornicate in the garden brambles like two naughty Garlic Chili Sauce-addled field mice. Just kidding, but bring small bills just in case.
Le Happy
Every time I see Le Happy, I feel a surge of love for its battered little sunburst yellow facade, and that warm fuzzy feeling only grows when I step into its cozy crepey chambers. Crepes, wine, cocktails, candles, board games, odd kitsch (excellent conversation propellants)–this NW Portland haven is the perfect place to spend a rainy evening with le amour.
- Location: 1011 NW 16th Ave, Portland Map it!
- Phone Number: 503.226.1258
- Hours: Mon-Thu 5pm-1am, Fri 5pm-2:30am, Sat 6pm-2:30am * Happy Hour Mon-Sat 5-7pm
Metrovino
If a swanky setting, relaxed ambiance, exquisitely prepared food, and lots and LOTS of wine is your definition of a romantic night out, by all means you and your paramour should hasten to the Pearl District and visit Metrovino Bistro, Bar, and Bottleshop. Tucked into a beautiful space with wide curved windows overlooking Tanner Park, Metrovino is part upscale restaurant, part wine bar, so you can slurp oysters together, feed each other grilled figs wrapped in bacon and spoonfuls of the most divine New England-style corn and seafood chowder ever made, and watch each other lasciviously suck on roasted marrow bones, whilst sipping the perfect wine to match each memorable course. And by your fourth glass of wine, you’ll have hardly even reached your potential; Metrovino has anywhere between 77-85 wines by the glass on any given day, so plan on making this delicious moment last, and plan on feeling it well into the next day.
- Location: 1139 NW 11th Ave. Portland Map it!
- Phone Number: 503.517.7778
- Hours: Dinner Mon-Sat 5:30–10pm; Happy hour Mon-Fri 4–6pm
Pix Patisserie
If you can’t fall in love at Pix, you must be the most awfullest of curmudgeons. After all, they’ve already done most of the work–setting the mood with their sexy little bustling faux-French bistro, supplying plenty of sugar and alcohol (everyone seems more lovable when you’re under the influence of passionfruit macarons and Framboise)…why, the Pix pastry wizards have even created a Tart Ménage á Trois (almond cream, chocolate ganache, and orange vanilla bean crème brulée in a buttery tart shell) for the less conventional love affair. Now all you have to do is be perfectly charming and maybe show a little skin. Tres facil!
- Location: 3901 N. Williams Ave. Portland * 3402 SE Division St. Portland Map it!
- Phone Number: N 503.282.6539 * SE 503.232.4407
- Hours: N Mon–Thu 8am–midnight, Fri-Sat 8am–2am, Sun 9am–midnight * SE Sun–Thu 10am–midnight, Fri-Sat 10am–2am
Ristorante Roma
Arguably, there is no place more romantic than Italy. And the unassuming and authentic Ristorante Roma in downtown Portland reminds me of so much of the little trattorias I ate at in Italy–simple, immaculate, family-run holes in the wall with gracious service, fresh salads, hearty plates of uncomplicated pasta, and plenty of Sangiovese to sip with your sweetie. If I avoid looking out the window at the Portlandness outside, I am completely transported to Italy. This makes Ristorante Roma a very romantic sort of place to dine and wine that special someone, and it’s a lot cheaper than airfare for two to Rome.
Sapphire Hotel
Maybe it’s the restaurant’s slogan: Eat, Drink, Kiss, maybe it’s the strong pours. The crimson-lit, swagged out interior is quite a turn-on and the drinks are pretty sexy too–sip an Apricot Blonde (spicy lemondrop made with pepper vodka and apricot puree), a Trophy Wife (pear ginger martini with pineapple infused vodka and fresh lemon), or a Belly Dancer (jasmine-infused gin with saffron honey and kiwi puree), then feed each other bacon-wrapped dates or honey mix (almonds roasted with apricots, figs & pancetta). In the interest of setting the mood, you may want to avoid the 15-Bean Flautas. Just a suggestion.
Tanuki
There’s no shortage of flying sparks at this tiny Northwest Portland izakaya joint–both between the patrons amorously canoodling with each other in dark corners of the bar, and the patrons amorously canoodling with one of the city’s most intriguing menus. As intimate as a hobbit’s matchbox, as well lit as a catacomb, and as endlessly-enticing as that no-good-but-oh-so-addictive-ex of yours, Tanuki is a superb setting to spend an evening discussing whatever it is you talk about on a hot date, over some truly excellent sake and Japanese small plates that beg to be shared with someone you love/might love/wish you could but can’t stop loving. And since they don’t serve dessert, it’s the perfect excuse to head home for a sweet ending.
- Location: 413 NW 21st Ave. Portland Map it!
- Phone Number: 503.241.7667
- Hours: Tue-Sat 4pm-close (around 10pm)
The Farm Café
This popular little cafe is easy to overlook as you’re hurtling up lower East Burnside in a panic because you’re late for your third (oh boy!) date with that really hot winemaker you met at Taste of the Nation and you have to veer out of that annoying vanishing third lane at the last second before you plow into a parked car, incincerating yourself and possibly half the hipster population of Portland as they innocently mill around in nearby Rontoms. But once you’ve stepped into the swoon-worthy little converted Victorian just off Burnside, and have greeted your hot winemaker date with a demure peck that disguises your true carnamorous intentions for the evening and settled into a lovely window or patio seat with a glass of Elk Cove Pinot Noir and a bowl of rosemary-roasted Oregon hazelnuts, that lovin’ feeling is coming on. By the time you’ve moved on to the goat cheese raviolis and risotto with grilled corn, cherry tomatoes and Rogue Valley smoked blue cheese, you’re completely smitten, and as you finish up your Sunken Chocolate Souffle cake, you’re in full blown love–whether it’s with your winemaker date or The Farm, it’s hard to say.
- Location: 10 SE 7th Ave. Portland Map it!
- Phone Number: 503.736.3276
- Hours: Daily 5pm-11:30pm * Happy Hour Mon-Fri 5-6:30pm
